July 9, 2020
excerpt from Dairy of a Black Mother
Caught between four walls and a door, I find myself in the presence of seclusion. Not because I want to be — not because I chose to be. I’m in this place, in this space, looking out at the world through a window, simply because someone was exposed. Someone came in contact with someone who came in contact with someone and found their way to me. Someone I may never know found a way to ease into my home — into my disinfected, highly sanitized, quarantined space.
Somehow — someway the quarantined became infected while sheltering in place. I’ve been in my home for the last five months — since they closed the school doors and sent us home.
I followed the suggestions of the CDC. I only went out when absolutely necessary, and I wore a mask and gloves. I ducked and dodged and even told a few folks to give me 6 feet. I shopped at record speeds and avoided isles with too many people. I followed the rules. I didn’t have visitors at my home, and I didn’t visit anyone. I’ve been in self-quarantine for five months — in my house, and it came through my door, into my room, on my couch, and attacked me. It attached itself to me like a wanted and invited lover. I didn’t want you, and I surely didn’t invite you in. As a matter of fact, I have been avoiding YOU. If I didn’t look for you, why did you have to come bothering me in the comfort of my private space in my home? I can imagine Breona Taylor, Botham Jean, and Atatiana Jefferson, felt the same way. Why have you entered my home?
You are an uninvited and unwanted intruder. Suppose the intruder had not crossed the line. Suppose the intruder had not trespassed, they would still be here. If the intruder had not forced its way into my home, I could go out, but because he decided there were no boundaries, I’m in seclusion for 14 days. Breona, Botham, and Atatiana are gone forever. All because the intruder believes he can just enter personal property at will, without announcing himself, without invitation. Without any warning, millions have been impacted, infected, murdered. Families have lost loved ones; mothers have lost sons and daughters all because of the intruder.
BB Davis
